No meditation for the past week or so. I was in a very dark place. Severe insomnia. No sleep after 3 or 2 or 1 AM. Sometimes after midnight. Each night. Horror. Very little control over my thoughts. A lot of suffering. Tons of stress in work, even more at home. And amidst all that … Continue reading 20 Oct. Up up and out of the hole.
A few very rough days behind me. Physical sickness. A lot of mental suffering as well. Almost beyond my strength. And sleeplessness. A few days in a row I found myself waking up at 1 or 2 AM and not being able to fall asleep again. I did not meditate. I just couldn't. But I … Continue reading 4 Oct. Anattalakkhana Sutta.
I found this gem here. It makes so much sense for an over-thinker like myself: worried, self-centered, angry, scared, stressed out, hopeful, desperate. We eat only when we are hungry, we walk only when we need to go somewhere, we talk only when we need to express; but we go on thinking with or without any … Continue reading 3 Oct. Overthinking. Exhaustion.
So I sat to meditate without any hope of staying on the cushion for too long this morning. There had been a bit of suffering in my life recently. Worry. A bit of physical sickness. A lot of work. As soon as I closed my eyes thoughts started emerging: this suffering is not mine, this … Continue reading 27 Sep. Suffering.
I figure that the best attitude I can bring into my meditation is a simple curiosity: what will my silly mind come up with this time? What story will it try to tell me? What masks will it put on for me this time? What pleasures it has prepared? What tortures? Where there is curiosity, … Continue reading 23 Sep. Attitude.
I woke up pretty late this morning. Good. For the first few seconds, my mind was like a blank canvas. And then all those thoughts started to appear: I need coffee - and I became a person who needs coffee. I need nicotine - and I became a person who needs a smoke (vape... actually). … Continue reading 21 Sep. Thoughts.
I woke up at 4 AM. It took me an hour to fully wake up. I sat down to mediate at 5. I spent an hour on the cushion. I was tired. I was sleepy. I was cold. I sat there being present in my body, observing my breath and thoughts. My thoughts... What an … Continue reading 20 Sep. Chuckle.