8 Aug. Dharma 0-1 Stupidity.

I missed meditation on Sunday. It was a long weekend in Ireland. I traded in meditation for a budget beer. There is no gentler way to say it. Not particularly proud of myself yesterday. But then I asked myself: Who is feeling guilty anyway? and: Why do I even think that feelings are that important? I know I fucked up without having to unleash the emotional terror upon myself…

Still impressed with an idea that came to me during my Saturday sitting: thoughts are like water ripples – standing in their way will only create more. At this stage of my practice, I can only dream of calming the mind for longer than a brief moment. So at least I will try not to interfere. Observe. Try to understand the nature of the mind and its fabrications.

Last night I sat for a half an hour. First 20 minutes: buddho meditation. “Bud” during the inhale, and “dho” (“d” is silent) for the exhale. It went well. Mind became very calm after those 20 minutes. After that, I proceeded to my standard practice of anapanasati (mindfulness of breathing) that also seemed to go better.

I think I will be stuck with this practice (buddho + anapanasati). I’m a bit tired of changing meditation methods so often. I really like this form of Budhanussati meditation. It combines my favorite forms of meditation: mindfulness of breathing, mantra and of course recollection of the Buddha.


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