Last night, a half an hour: 20 minutes of Buddho followed by 10 minutes of anapanasati. Observation: unpleasant thoughts dissolved quickly and unexpectedly in Buddho repetition. Just like that. As long as I maintained “bud” on the inhale and “ho” on the exhale. And when I say unpleasant, I mean: hurtful, sad, aggravating thoughts.
This morning, before I sat down to meditate, I reflected upon what the Buddho mantra meant to me. It means knowledge of emptiness, stillness, and peace beneath the facade of mental fabrications.
First 20 minutes of Buddho weren’t great. Mind was restless. When it was time to proceed to anapanasati I felt that I shouldn’t do that. So I continued with the mantra. I heard the mantra in my head. I felt the breath moving along with the mantra. I visualized the mantra-breath. I tried to be completely occupied with Buddho. Nothing else going on apart from Buddho.
And then suddenly… It was like floating in the air. And yet, so natural. Very pleasant. Beautiful. I knew I shouldn’t conceptualize it. Just keep repeating the mantra. Well… more like allow the mantra to repeat itself. Don’t allow my ego to take control. Don’t think about it. Just experience it.
OK, now I must forget about this experience. Don’t think about it. Don’t write about it. Pretend it never happened. And just carry on with my practice.
Bad At Being Still 