I’ve stumbled upon this blog post talking about the concept of Self in Vajrayana Buddhism. I think the post is based on this short clip in which Shinzen Young speaks about Self = mental image + mental talk + body. It makes so much sense! It occurs to me more and more that once I really understand the nature of Self – the rest of the pieces will fall into their places.
I didn’t meditate on Friday night and was not able to sit on Saturday morning after just three hours of sleep: stress, worry, and anger got me by the throat. Not very Buddhist of me? Very Buddhist of me! The notion that you will get rid of all your flaws just after a few years of meditation, that you will become this perfect being speaking with a soft warm voice is not realistic. Or is it?
I got to sit last night. Very late. But I sat like my life depended on it. I was repeating Buddho mantra while following my breath. I also maintained mindfulness of the mudra. I use Dhyana mudra. I’ve never used any other mudra. I like this one a lot. The sitting was great. Being mindful of those three: mudra, breath, mantra, all at the same time, helped my mind to settle. Well, most of the time… I’m yet to understand the mysterious logic that made me jump from thinking Buddho straight into recollecting Ducard from the “Batman Begins” movie.
Last night I dreamed about having a Buddhist teacher. He was a very old Zen master who gave me instructions, understood my failures and struggles, corrected my errors and wrong understanding, showed me direction. Oh, well…
Bad At Being Still 