15 Sep. Darkness.

I continue to sit every day. No matter how tired, worried or agitated. Worried about finances, kids, and the future? Sit straight and watch your breath. Pissed off about humanity? Sit straight and watch your breath. Stressed by work? Sit straight and watch your breath. Disappointed with life? Sit straight and watch your breath. New Queens of the Stone Age album sucks? Sit straight and watch your breath.

During the last night’s sitting, impossible happened: I overcame sleepiness. My night sittings are usually a torture due to tiredness. I find myself meditating more and more with my eyes open lately. Sure, open eyes help to beat drowsiness. But I contribute it mainly to the fact that last night conditions were simply right. Not much to do with my wants and aspirations. I’m grateful. That’s it.

Last night I woke up before 4 AM and was not able to fall back to sleep due to worry. After two damn good coffees, I meditated for half an hour shortly after 5 AM. I liked it. Body felt hollow. Completely black inside. Thoughts just a product of the physical brain. Skin produces sweat. Kidneys produce urine. The brain produces thoughts. Not a big deal. I instinctively felt that consciousness is independent of mental fabrications, but not separate. Very easy to accept the flow of thoughts. I felt as if my hands folded in dhyana mudra disappeared. Hard to explain. I didn’t want to meditate. I didn’t want to achieve this or that. I was fond of just sitting there. Perhaps this is why I enjoyed it?

I’m looking forward to sitting tonight. I really do.

“Tao Te Ching”:

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.

Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.

 

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