Saturday morning – 40 minutes. Until my daughter woke up. I was hoping to sit much longer than that. Saturday night – 30 minutes. Sunday night – 20 minutes. Each of them – great:
- Whenever a thought arose I remembered that the present moment always overwrites the past. So as soon as I realized that my mind went astray and I re-established mindfulness – it was all good. I was being mindful again. And that was all that mattered.
- Whenever a disturbing emotion arose I became aware of my body, experienced it, focused on my feet, knees, hands, back, head – and the emotion would quickly go away.
On Sunday we went to Balrath Wood (in County Meath). Trees. Oh, trees. I have this thing for forests and woods. I could stay there forever. Never enough. Never bored with it. The smell of autumn. The patience, stillness and wise indifference of nature.
Dark clouds are on the horizon. Work related. I’ve been there already over 2 years ago: frustration, anger, sleepless nights. Horror. Pure horror. That was when my meditation practice accelerated. I realized that meditation was my only chance.
I’m not afraid. I’m excited. Let’s see how much my practice is really worth. Let’s see how much progress I’ve made. Something tells me that this time I will succeed, that I will be able to rise above the unnecessary struggles of my fake Ego.
Bad At Being Still 