Yesterday, I woke up at 4 AM and could not fall asleep again. I felt a bit sick (nothing major – a cold or some other seasonal delight). Nevertheless, I had my two damn good coffees, and around 5AM I was as good as new, so I sat to meditate.
The darkness, silence, and stillness around me were soothing. Moonlight was pouring into the living room. There were tiny drops of rain on the window. For some reason, they made me think about the first day of spring.
I meditated for an hour. Long sittings don’t scare me anymore. I like them. Sitting for an hour forces me to generate a completely different mindset than during 20 minutes sittings. When I sit for an hour, I have no choice but to meditate. There is no point to be lazy, to procrastinate, to linger. If I did – then the boredom would have killed me… The only way to survive an hour of meditation is to meditate.
The sitting was a good one. Maintaining focus is getting easier. The habit of coming back to the breath after each distraction more reliable. I remember that I genuinely felt that my thoughts were of no importance at all. This is also what I feel more and more during the day.
Towards the end, I did Buddho mantra as well as Namo Amitabhaya. I’m strangely drawn towards the Pure Land. I don’t know why. It doesn’t make sense because I have a few serious doubts about this tradition. It really reminds me of the theocentric religions:
- Relying on a supernatural being.
- The idea of heaven.
- Is it really sufficient to repeat Amithaba’s name to gain merit?
And yet, Namo Amitabhaya mantra feels strangely comfortable. Recalling it, both on and off the meditation cushion, is enjoyable. I’m trying to learn more about this tradition, but all I can find online never goes beyond: recite the name to enter Western Heaven. I don’t get it. What am I missing?