My Monday evening sitting was a very special one. Worry and negativity took the best of me and I finished my meditation in a state of anger, frustration and agitation. I’m pretty sure this is not how meditation should work. But I’m no expert… My mindfulness was weak. So there was only me and my negative self-talk. I read Kurt Vonnegut afterwards. It cheered me up. A sense of humour is a sign of wisdom.
I’ve been sitting every evening this week for 20-30 minutes. Zazen (shikantaza). Not focused on anything in particular. Just taking everything in and letting it go. Despite having my eyes open, at times I would stop seeing completely. It is not to say that I saw darkness. It was as if my sense of sight was taken away from me. Spooky.
In between the sessions: worry, worry, worry. The usual stuff. The same as yours. And yours, Sir. And yours, Madam. And yours, Mx. As if I’ve never meditated in my life. Or perhaps it would have been much worse had I not have a meditation practice? I’m sure it would have been… I still remember how I was before meditation.
Last night it was raining. Sitting in meditation and listening to rain and wind. What a bliss. Afterwards I listened to Portishead first album “Dummy”. Calling it beautiful would be an understatement: there is life after death.
A few poems that caught my attention this week:
A Meal of Fresh Octopus
Lots of arms, just like Kannon the Goddess;
Sacrificed for me, garnished with citron, I revere it so!
The taste of the sea, just divine!
Sorry, Buddha, this is another precept I just cannot keep.
Yes, I’m truly a dunce
Living among trees and plants.
Please don’t question me about illusion and enlightenment —
This old fellow just likes to smile to himself.
I wade across streams with bony legs,
And carry a bag about in fine spring weather.
That’s my life,
And the world owes me nothing.
Too lazy to be ambitious,
I let the world take care of itself.
Ten days’ worth of rice in my bag;
a bundle of twigs by the fireplace.
Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment?
Listening to the night rain on my roof,
I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out.