19 Sep. The Observer. Desire. Drowsiness.

After the sitting last night, I realised that I didn’t experience any drowsiness at all. As a matter of fact, I haven’t experienced any for quite some time. How did it happen? This is something I had been struggling with for years. I also struggled with pain in lower back. Both issues – gone. It seems that the correct body posture (and probably my proficiency in dead-lifts at the gym as well?) fixed the latter issue. But as far as the drowsiness is concerned – I honestly don’t know.

I’m noticing that after my evening sittings I feel energised and refreshed and have problems falling asleep. Not good. Or should I bite the bullet and instead of forcing myself to sleep, just meditate more and see what will happen? Perhaps I could try this out – during the weekend in case the whole thing backfires? I don’t know.

I thought about desire again. If a desire is suffering, and the source of suffering is not the object of desire, but desire itself then the cessation of desire is the path to end of suffering. Here come the first three Noble Truths right here… Here is the optimistic, uplifting, hopeful part – in order to end the suffering one must end desire and not acquire the object of desire! The implications of this in my daily life are huge.

The more I meditate the more detached I’m from my own mind, its habits, patterns, learned behaviors, conditioning. The more I realise I’m not my mind. Who am I then? Who is observing my mind? I will stuck with the Observer for now. But the Observer used the mind to come to this conclusion.

What a puzzle!

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