21 Sep. Thoughts.

I woke up pretty late this morning. Good. For the first few seconds, my mind was like a blank canvas. And then all those thoughts started to appear: I need coffee – and I became a person who needs coffee. I need nicotine – and I became a person who needs a smoke (vape… actually). And so on and so forth. For some reason, I was actually able to notice how those thoughts appear out of nowhere, overpower me, affect my mood. And also somehow I was able not to take them seriously. Here I am. Here is my bed. Here is my body. Here is my bedroom. And there are those thoughts. Nothing to do with me. Not me. Not mine. Not myself.

Since I got up late I sat for forty minutes. If I could I would have sat longer. My thoughts were rambling in my head. I achieved very little focus. So what? I just couldn’t take my thoughts seriously. They didn’t impress me. It was actually amusing, entertaining and funny to watch them fighting for my attention. Trying to convince me that I’m this or that person: I’m that angry guy, I’m that sad person, I’m that happy person, I’m the winner, I’m the loser. As if my mind was a vehicle that each thought uses to manifest itself through me.

It’s all very weird. Thoughts have no reality. The world is exactly the same before they appear. And remains the same after they disappear.

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