19 Nov. Searchlight.

So we have moved into our new house recently. When I was closing the doors behind me for the last time, I thought about the anguish, drama, worry, stress and sleepless nights I had experienced in the house I was leaving behind.

And for what reason? The reasons faded away. The emotions evaporated. The meaning got lost. I felt almost nothing when I thought about those four years. Just a gentle touch of sadness. There is no ego-self in memories. I can’t feel the past pains and aches anymore.

Everything is like that – so quickly becoming a memory. A ghost. Being born out of ignorance, it fades away quickly. Whispering on the dying bed: impermanence, impermanence, impermanence.

When I was meditating on Sunday night, a thought appeared in my head. My mind is like a searchlight. Constantly seeking threats. Persistently ignoring the vast space around me. Where nothing ever happens. Quiet, silent and still. Hopefully, the boundless light one day will reveal the endless void in which all the threats dissolve.

I have purchased a few books about Shin Buddhism and a Jodo Shu juzu beads. I think a lot about Pure Land Buddhism. I take notes. I need to write about it very soon. 

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