15 Jan. Doing what’s right.

I manage to sit every day. I am delighted. Not because I am getting anywhere but because I am doing what is right, what feels natural. It is not always pleasant. Sometimes it is hard. But it always feels right. Here I am sitting on the floor in my living room. Here is my body. And there are my thoughts. What a relief not being my own thoughts.

I listen to Ajahn Martin’s talks. In one of them he said something along the lines of “If you need time, don’t look at the clock”. I also read from the book “Zen Flesh, Zen Bones”. What a joy. The book lies on my kitchen table. I reach for it when I have a few minutes to spare. Instead of reaching for my smartphone. It has been over a month since I removed  all social media apps from my phone. Here are 10 things that changed in my life:

1. Less bullshit.
2. Less bullshit.
3. Less bullshit.
4. Less bullshit.
5. Less bullshit.
6. Less bullshit.
7. Less bullshit.
8. Less bullshit.
9. Less bullshit.
10. My phone lasts a full day on one charge.

Last night, I meditated with Soto Zen folks in Dublin. My meditation was horrible. Thanks for asking. The first half an hour – overpowering drowsiness. Walking meditation woke me up. During the second round, I kept thinking about work. It’s absurd. And yet, I can’t help feeling anxious and stressed. Even this morning, I woke up worrying about my work. As I was preparing my morning coffee, I tried to persuade myself not be worried. And then I remembered – this was exactly the problem! I was trying to push away the unpleasant, I was trying to solve the problem, I was negating the First Noble Truth. It was like trying to stop rain with my thinking mind.

“The blue mountains are constantly walking.” A beautiful quote from Dogen the teacher discussed during yesterday’s Dharma talk. Listening about the blue mountains walking felt natural. It felt right.