31 Aug. Everything is Dhamma. Don’t complain.

Last night I meditated in the bedroom: 15 minutes. Could have been 5. Could have been 1 hour. I don’t care. I couldn’t quite focus on my breath. My mind kept wandering off. And I suddenly realised: My God, I am not even able to focus on the breath for longer than 5 seconds. And it seemed so ridiculous to me that I laughed. And then I came back to the breath and my attention stayed there. Wonderful. And after a few minutes, it was time to get up and go and help my wife with the kids.

Work. Very stressful. Agitating. Painful. Unfair. Self-righteous thoughts flood my mind. My heart starts to go mad. My stomach contracts. My muscles harden. My breath shortens. I clench my feasts and feel like crying or punching a hole in the wall. As if all of that was real.

But I come back to the breath and repeat: All is Dhamma. Don’t complain. My unfair boss is Dhamma. My dog biting new furniture is Dhamma. My family is Dhamma. My work is Dhamma. My gym workouts are Dhamma. My diet is Dhamma. There is nothing in the way of my practice. There is nothing but my practice.

And those verses from Dhammapada help me too:

He insulted me, hit me, beat me, robbed me

— for those who brood on this, hostility isn’t stilled.

He insulted me, hit me, beat me, robbed me

— for those who don’t brood on this, hostility is stilled.

Hostilities aren’t stilled through hostility, regardless.

Hostilities are stilled through non-hostility: this, an unending truth.

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