Awareness is the place of the deathless;
unawareness is the place of death.
The aware do not die;
the unaware are as though dead already.
You should see the world
As a bubble, a mirage.
If you look on it like this
The King of Death can’t see you.
The quotes from the Dhammapada. This is exactly what (among other things) meditation teaches me. What kind of life is that – running around like a biological robot, constantly on autopilot? Meditation is not boring. Mindfulness is not boring. It’s just your conditioned mind constantly seeking distractions. Kodo Sawaki gets it. You gotta love those Soto Zen folks!
You say “When I do zazen, I get disturbing thoughts!” Foolish! The fact is that it’s only in zazen that you’re aware of your disturbing thoughts at all. When you dance around with your disturbing thoughts, you don’t notice them at all. When a mosquito bites you during zazen, you notice it right away. But when you’re dancing and flea bites your balls, you don’t notice it at all.
Don’t whine. Don’t stare into space. Just sit!