During the past two months, I wasn’t faithful to my resolution to live in complete detachment from Dharma (God, I can’t even do that right!). I would open this or that book randomly from time to time. Especially the “Dhammapada” and “Zen Flesh, Zen Bones”. I came across the two passages in the latter –
“The teaching of Buddha was mainly for the purpose of enlightening others. If you are dependent on any of its methods, you are naught but an ignorant insect.”
“Your end which is endless is as a snowflake dissolving in the pure air.”
– that planted a seed of regret for my decision, more so pronounced by my wife’s nagging (fun fact – Google search autofill for word “nagging” is “wife”) to go and meditate again, will ya already!? Or to take a trip to Dublin to mediate, chant or dance, or whatever you folks do in your meetings.
So yeah, it was a dark period. I had learned a lot of unflattering things about myself. The cold dark days of winter and financial hardships made it even more delightful. Have you ever skipped a meal because you couldn’t afford it? I did. Luckily, I am also into fitness, so I convinced myself that I was just cutting.