21 Mar 20. A dream.

In my dream, I was reading an article written by an elderly Soto Zen nun describing enlightenment of her master. She was able to capture in words the actual process of transformation. As I was reading it, the awareness of my own faults and failures grew. At the end of the text, when the master achieved the full and perfect enlightenment, the sorrow overwhelmed me and I burst into tears. The nun wrote: “At that point, my master’s body didn’t disturb even the light”.

The meaning of the dream. There is a sharp border between despair and equanimity, and being on this or the other side is always a matter of personal choice.

So yeah, I am so stressed and frustrated because of the situation in my workplace. I just can’t let go. And it tortures me, even though I know very well that I am creating my own suffering. I also know that I can theorise as much as I want about misery and illusions. Until I have full confidence in the words of the Buddha, until I am able to dive into the world headfirst shielded only by acceptance, forgiveness and kindness the suffering will not end.