5 Apr 20. Distractions.

Here is my morning routine. I get up. I think about my job. My heart is racing. I feel angry and tired. I have a cup of coffee.

I don’t expect to wake up happy anymore. And it breaks my heart.

This morning however a realisation overwhelmed me: those hurtful thoughts are not the norm, they are a deviation from the norm, from the central point of stillness, quiet and peace I am re-discovering during meditation.

I experience it when I make a relaxed effort to rest my attention on the object of meditation and I let go of all other strivings. Thoughts about achieving peace are distractions. Thoughts about silencing the thoughts are distractions. The effort to remove the distractions is a distraction. Evaluation is a distraction. Goals are distractions. Meditation is a distraction. And especially trying to control such an involuntary function of the body like breathing surely is nothing short of the madness of the ego.

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