I meditated for an hour and a half on Sunday morning. Never again. Pure nightmare. I sat there focused solely on surviving the pain and the boredom. I didn't setup any intermediate bells, so I didn't even know how much time had passed. And I hadn't moved even once. I completely ignored, at times very … Continue reading 21 Aug. Survival machine.
I had a plan to sit for 2+ hours straight this morning. But my daughter woke up early (both my kids have a serious sleeping disorder). I managed to meditate for an hour and a half. No breaks, no intermediate bells, no nose scratching. I started off with Buddho. Then moved to anapanasati. Concentration - nonexisting. Thoughts … Continue reading 19 Aug. I’m alright.
Last night, 20 minutes. Before closing my eyes I remembered my goals: developing concentration, observing the three marks of existence. And also what the Buddho meant to me: knowing about the emptiness and stillness underlying every thought. And I gave myself a pat on the back for keeping my practice going... And the meditation turned out … Continue reading 18 Aug. The house is not quiet.
I'm listening to an interview with Daniel Ingram. He claims Enlightenment and Arahantship. It sounds awkward. Doesn't awkwardness of this statement says more about Buddhism than it does about the claimant himself? You would expect the enlightenment - considering how many people meditate - to be something more common. But it's quite the contrary. It is … Continue reading 17 Aug. Daniel is enlightened.
20 minutes last night. Before I got to sit: work, gym, commute, shopping, kids fighting, crying, laughing, often at the same time, so I don't know if I should comfort them or laugh with them?, refusing to eat normal food, refusing to stop eating junk food, asking for a drink, no, not this drink, that … Continue reading 16 Aug. No Buddho. No anapanasati. Buddho. Anapanasati.
Last few days: 20-30 minutes, once or twice per day. Buddho mantra followed by anapanasati. Am I not jumping ahead with the mindfulness of breath? Shouldn't I simplify my meditation even more? How can I do anapanasati properly without being able to focus on the mantra fully for even 5 minutes? I've decided to only … Continue reading 15 Aug. Short sitting. Long Sitting.
Last night, I sat for 20 minutes. Poor. Opposing a healthy need for sleep is not meditation. I should have gone to bed. Grumpy afterward. Felt like a person woken up in the middle of the night. Meditation used up that little energy I had left. Attachment to meditation is still an attachment. Makes you do … Continue reading 12 Aug. Waiting for my own funeral.