My mornings are often filled with negative self-talk and nerves-wrecking inner-chatter. I have decided to dive into the Nembutsu practice headfirst and abandon any efforts to reconcile it with my rational mind. Not because I think that Nembutsu would not pass the scrutiny of my rational mind but because there is nothing rational about my … Continue reading 4.02.20. Nembutsu.
Category: Meditation Diary
28 Jan 20.
During the past two months, I wasn’t faithful to my resolution to live in complete detachment from Dharma (God, I can’t even do that right!). I would open this or that book randomly from time to time. Especially the “Dhammapada” and “Zen Flesh, Zen Bones”. I came across the two passages in the latter - … Continue reading 28 Jan 20.
27 Jan 20.
After two months since I foolishly detached myself from Buddhism, I am now ready to summarise that period of my life with scientific precision: bleurgh.
10 Dec 19. Nembutsu.
I like getting up in the morning. Because of: my family, dog, books, music, gym, food, meditation, running, coffee, guitar and swimming. I hate getting up in the morning. Because of the anxious thoughts that torment me as soon as I open my eyes. Here is the drill. First, my mind displays a vision of … Continue reading 10 Dec 19. Nembutsu.
4 Dec 19. God bless you Jordan.
In my dream people mocked me and laughed at me. And a sentence popped out in my head: There is much more to life than living. I don't know what it meant. I am a very agreeable person and easily taken advantage of. I simply can't say n..., n...., n..... You see!? On Friday, I … Continue reading 4 Dec 19. God bless you Jordan.
24 Nov 19. Tempest.
I meditate. A focused mind = still mind = happy mind. This is the way the mind works. This is what the Buddha realised (re-discovered?). And luckily he cared to tell everyone else. And today, thousands of years ago, science is starting to catch up with his wisdom. But why would I want to turn … Continue reading 24 Nov 19. Tempest.
16 Nov. Killing the Buddha. Part 2.
I was very uncomfortable preparing this post. It felt like slandering my own parents. But here are the main reasons why I have decided to practice meditation only and to detach myself from all forms of Buddhism. In short - my thinking mind just can't handle the complexity, information overload and conflicting statements of Buddhism. … Continue reading 16 Nov. Killing the Buddha. Part 2.
9 Nov. Killing the Buddha.
What a relief to put Buddhism away. One day, I was reading some sutras about heavens, hells, angel-like creatures, punishment and reward in the afterlife. Paradoxically, it sounded way more familiar to the Christian apostate in me than it did to the Dhamma follower working on abandoning attachment, lessening the ego and awaking compassion here … Continue reading 9 Nov. Killing the Buddha.
19 Oct 19. Words.
The more I sit, the less I have to say about it. Words overwhelm me. Books, articles, blogs, podcasts, sutras, traditions, opinions and interpretations. And almost everything I have ever read, I have already forgotten anyway. Do we really have to go through all of this to be able to sit quietly on the bedroom … Continue reading 19 Oct 19. Words.
11 Oct 19. Suffering as a pastime activity.
Only a few months ago I was complaining that I couldn't find the time to sit. But when I eventually resumed my practice, I was always able to find the time. The more I sit, the more time I seem to have. My sittings are getting longer because when I am meditating time loses its … Continue reading 11 Oct 19. Suffering as a pastime activity.
Bad At Being Still 