Last night I only managed to sit for 15 minutes. My meditation was cut short. I was pretty sleepy and didn't manage to maintain mindfulness for longer than 20-30 seconds at a time. And the harder I tried to live up to my ideal of a meditator the more I failed. And then a thought … Continue reading 12 Jan. Not-Self.
Last night: 30 minutes. This morning 40. Anapanasati (mindfulness of breathing). I kept my attention on the physical sensation of the breath. Wherever I could detect it: belly, chest, nose. When a thought arose, I acknowledged it and then gently came back to the object of meditation. Without judging myself. Without reacting. And the thought … Continue reading 11 Jan. Anapanasati.
I tried to sit yesterday morning. I set the timer for 40 minutes. I gave up after 30. Drowsiness is my worst enemy. I've been listening to the podcast called "The Science of Meditation" by Sam Harris. One of the interviewees said that the states of bliss concentration meditation can produce will wear off quickly … Continue reading 10 Jan. Half-Life. I was wrong. Again.
For the past few weeks I’ve been practising concentration using mindfulness of breathing technique. I enjoyed it. Meditation was pleasant. Moments of no-thought surprisingly long. However… when I did it before going to bed, even though I only sat for 20 or 30 minutes, I would sometimes have major difficulties falling asleep. After meditation, at … Continue reading 8 Jan. Shikantaza. When meditation backfires.
Talking about selflessness and illusoriness of suffering in regards to oneself may seem wise and profound. Talking about illustriousness of suffering in regards to other people, especially if they are in pain, seems pretty inappropriate and cruel, doesn't it? When I see my kids sad or in pain, I would never say that their suffering is … Continue reading 3 Jan. Tiny world.
Today is my fifth day without any caffeine at all. No coffee. No tea. The second and the third day were the worst. Irritation. Fatigue. The more unpleasant the process of giving up the more driven I was to kick the habit. I gave up coffee to improve my sleep and to aid my meditation … Continue reading 2 Jan. A perfect circle.
Despite my diligence in practice, for the past few weeks, my mind has been constantly bombarded by worry and angst. I'm practising concentration using mindfulness of breathing. I haven't achieved jhanas yet, at best access concentration. But it's so pleasant, so quiet, so still... On the cushion. Off the cushion, however... it's a whole different story. So … Continue reading 29 Dec. Faith. Worry.