Meditation sucks these days. I meditate in the evenings, after putting my kids to bed. At that time I'm already exhausted and I dread meditation. Afterwards - I'm often grumpy. Like a person awoken in the middle of the night. (Sadly this is as close as I got to the awakening.) In order to meditate before … Continue reading 23 Nov. Diamond Sutra.
I didn't feel like meditating on Saturday morning. But I didn't want to go a day without meditation. But at the same time, I was hopeful that meditation would turn out good. After all, I know that quality of my sittings is not only dependent on my diligence, effort, and mood, but also on countless … Continue reading 20 Nov. The art of waiting. The worst sitting ever.
I missed meditation last night. I was simply exhausted. Commuting, 8 hours in the air-conditioned nightmare, gym, after work: entertaining my kids, another workout at home… by 8 pm my batteries were flat. So I sat down at the kitchen table listening to "Nevermind", drinking tea, with a shameless pleasure and without even a trace … Continue reading 16 Nov. In the mouth of madness. Almost.
Half an hour yesterday morning before leaving to work. Racing thoughts. I was hoping that if I give it some time my mind will settle eventually. No such thing happened. It was not because I didn't care or lacked discipline. I woke up too early again and I was simply sleepy and tired. You can't … Continue reading 16 Nov. Swampland Flowers.
Yesterday morning - a half an hour before work and 20 minutes before bed. A lot of thoughts. So what? Try not to think. Try not to breathe. Try not to blink. I let my thoughts flow knowing that eventually the stream will start drying out. Hopefully. If I’m lucky. The most important thing is … Continue reading 15 Nov. Dante’s 3-sphere.
20 minutes in the evening. I lit a candle next to my Buddha statue. (I read somewhere that fat Buddha statues don't depict Siddhārtha Gautama / Shakyamuni Buddha rather the incarnation of his successor - Maitreya.) I was tired. Good upright posture, careful dhyana mudra, diligence in body and breath awareness. The sitting turned out well. I … Continue reading 14 Nov. A monotonous process.
Meditation is going great. Again. For now. Effortless. My attention is somewhere between the stillness and the emptiness of my body, steady and mechanical movement of my breath and the lively stream of thoughts. When I'm focused my thoughts stop flowing. When I'm not, the thinking process begins. The longer I manage to stay focused the … Continue reading 12 Nov. No funny hats required.