Thousands of Nembutsu recitations during the day. Each recitation is an unskilful thought I didn't think. A few hundreds of Nembutsu recitations before meditation. Then mindfulness of breath/body. So easy to focus on the breath. When thoughts arise - they are very shy. Weak. Much easier to stay focused and quiet.
I managed to sit yesterday. After 10 minutes I was falling asleep so I stoped. I recited Nembutsu throughout a day. How many unskillful thoughts I managed to avoid this way? Hundreds? Thousands? I discovered two poems by Haru Matsuda. She is a very mysterious figure. The only information I was able to find about … Continue reading 6 Jul. Haru Matsuda.
It has been a few days since I last meditated. Worry and stressful thoughts cause havoc in my head. I just can't sit. I will try to resume my practice today. Each time I go astray I feel like I have betrayed my practice. I feel too embarrassed to meditate. I do however recite Nembutsu … Continue reading 5 Jul. Bad thoughts. Bad, bad thoughts.
I probably did way over 1,000 Namo Amitabhaya recitations yesterday. Did I accumulate any merit through nembutsu recitation? I don't know! Was that my purpose? Absolutely not. I haven't made my mind yet about the authenticity of the idea of re-birth in Pure Land. But I have great respect and faith in all the buddhas of … Continue reading 29 June. Mr Nice.
I didn't feel like meditating yesterday. I still have this deeply rooted desire to achieve something through meditation. I was tired yesterday. But I did sit eventually and it was great. I didn't try. I just sat. So often I forget that meditation should be joyful and relaxed! I'm making this whole thing harder than … Continue reading 28 Jun. Relax.
I try to recite Nembutsu as often as I can. I don't neglect my meditation practice. It's not going to happen. But my mind is like water in the bathtub and my thoughts are like bath bombs - once one is thrown into the water simply noticing this fact won't do anything. The water already … Continue reading 25 Jun. Nembutsu and bath bombs.
The last couple of days - hell. The last couple of weeks - worry and saddness. I'm re-discovering Pure Land. I'm reading this amazing blog and I grow more and more fascinated with Pure Land. So many years of practice and I still fall into the old patterns of thinking. I'm a little bit desperate … Continue reading 23 Jun. Pure Land.