Stress began creeping on me again. I hadn't been putting enough time and effort into cultivating the silence. Meditation practice truly is like digging a hole in wet sand. There is nothing permanent in this world. Even though my house was full of noise and commotion I just had to find the time to reconnect. … Continue reading 25 Feb.
For the past few days, I have been walking around aware of stillness and silence underneath my thoughts. Very often when an unskillful thought arose a question would also appear: Who is thinking the thought? Everything seems to dissolve in that silence. I try to cultivate it as much as I can. I can't quite … Continue reading 15 Feb. Stillness.
I am hopeful that the horrible work-related stress is over. I talked to a person yesterday who has been experiencing exactly the same amount of stress, fear, sleeplessness and anger because they were not able to find a job while for me the source of suffering was the exact opposite - my job. Oh, the … Continue reading 12 Feb.
Last night, I dreamed about rocks falling from the sky. During the night a storm would lift them up and shoot them into the sky. They left trails of red sparks behind them. During the day, they fell down. Yesterday, I meditated with Zen Soto folks. The teacher gave a talk about Zen ancestors. Towards … Continue reading 5 Feb. My great-grandmother.
When I sit and observe my mind, I realise that almost all my thoughts are driven by greed, aversion and delusion. This is extremely weird as my behaviour in daily life is different: there are very little hatred and greed. The only thing I am not very proud of is my tendency to complain and … Continue reading 3 Feb. And now I will meditate.
I uninstalled the Insight Timer application. So yesterday morning, I used the standard timer on my phone, mistakenly set it up to 20 hours and realised something was wrong only when I heard my neighbors leaving for work. The last social media / entertainment application that remains on my phone is YouTube. But this one … Continue reading 19 Jan. Stress.
I manage to sit every day. I am delighted. Not because I am getting anywhere but because I am doing what is right, what feels natural. It is not always pleasant. Sometimes it is hard. But it always feels right. Here I am sitting on the floor in my living room. Here is my body. … Continue reading 15 Jan. Doing what’s right.