7 Nov 20. Sadness. Devotion. Nembutsu.

I have always been plagued by a feeling of sadness. Not so much now in my thirties as I was in my teens and twenties. Now, having a family and a job, I simply don't have time for it. And that's the point - when I look at my sadness, I realise how selfish it …

10 Dec 19. Nembutsu.

I like getting up in the morning. Because of: my family, dog, books, music, gym, food, meditation, running, coffee, guitar and swimming. I hate getting up in the morning. Because of the anxious thoughts that torment me as soon as I open my eyes. Here is the drill. First, my mind displays a vision of …

24 Jul 19. Annica on steroids.

Every year I visit my hometown in Poland. Being there only once a year gives me a unique opportunity to observe impermanence in action: how people and places change, getting older by a year in a split second when my ghostly memory is confronted by its ghostly apparition. A few days ago, while in Poland, …

The End Draws Near — Great Middle Way

I have never shared any WordPress post on this blog before. Below quote summarises everything I appreciate about Pure Land Buddhism. And it arrived exactly when I needed it. And I needed it badly.  My mind relies on nothing, so when night falls, I simply stop. My body lives nowhere, so at the break of …

25 Feb.

Stress began creeping on me again. I hadn't been putting enough time and effort into cultivating the silence.  Meditation practice truly is like digging a hole in wet sand. There is nothing permanent in this world. Even though my house was full of noise and commotion I just had to find the time to reconnect. …

7 Dec. As-it-is.

I got up at 3 AM like a complete fool again. I sat down to meditate at 4. I started off with 500 Nembutsu recitations, followed by 50 minutes of shikantaza. It was hard. It was easy. Suffering is caused by ego. More ego = more suffering. More humility = less suffering. This is what …

19 Nov. Searchlight.

So we have moved into our new house recently. When I was closing the doors behind me for the last time, I thought about the anguish, drama, worry, stress and sleepless nights I had experienced in the house I was leaving behind. And for what reason? The reasons faded away. The emotions evaporated. The meaning …

20 Oct. Up up and out of the hole.

No meditation for the past week or so. I was in a very dark place. Severe insomnia. No sleep after 3 or 2 or 1 AM. Sometimes after midnight. Each night. Horror. Very little control over my thoughts. A lot of suffering. Tons of stress in work, even more at home. And amidst all that …

17 Aug. Allah, Zeus and Odin.

I keep thinking/reading about the Pure Land Buddhism. It is stressing me out. I have never thought that Buddhism will become such a burden. I'm trying to convince myself that the Pure Land practice is a legitimate one. But my doubts are growing as I see Pure Land apologetics bending over backwards trying to explain Pure …

20 Jul. Ignorance strikes back.

Every time I start to reap the fruits of my meditation practice my ignorance tries to reclaim my mind. Unskillful thoughts exhaust me. When I wake up in the morning I feel pure, empty and full of energy. 5 seconds later my ego wakes up and floods my mind with ridiculous self-righteous and catastrophic thoughts. …