13 May 23. Death.

OK. So the last two years. Amphetamines, coke, alcohol, nicotine, antidepressants. Not very Buddhist of me. I know. But it is what it is. As you can imagine, I haven't been meditating regularly. Try to sit and meditate after 36 hours of no sleep, during a come-down after two days of coke and speed binge. … Continue reading 13 May 23. Death.

14 Aug 21. Mindfulness.

I have always thought about sati (mindfulness) as a skill. Something we consciously apply to whatever arises in our experience. So I am reading this book called "Buddha's last sermon – in hell". In the book, the protagonist, a woman called M., talks about sati not as a skill, but as a reflex. It really stuck with me. How … Continue reading 14 Aug 21. Mindfulness.

27 Apr. Dukkha.

Mildly anxious thoughts about work before falling asleep last night. And then a realisation - my anxiety is really caused by inability to fulfil the desire for things/states I wrongly assume will bring me permanent happiness (like my boss treating me fairly, me paying off debts and so on). That night, I had a dream … Continue reading 27 Apr. Dukkha.

19 Apr 20.

It's wonderful how in meditation the complexity of the outside world is reduced to just one of the three feelings: pleasant, unpleasant, neutral, and how the vast network of thoughts (we perceive as unique, personal and private) turns out to originate from a single source: boring, common, mundane and banal craving.