5 Apr 20. Distractions.

Here is my morning routine. I get up. I think about my job. My heart is racing. I feel angry and tired. I have a cup of coffee. I don't expect to wake up happy anymore. And it breaks my heart. This morning however a realisation overwhelmed me: those hurtful thoughts are not the norm, …

21 Mar 20. A dream.

In my dream, I was reading an article written by an elderly Soto Zen nun describing enlightenment of her master. She was able to capture in words the actual process of transformation. As I was reading it, the awareness of my own faults and failures grew. At the end of the text, when the master …

3 Mar 20. Thoughts.

A few days ago, while meditating, I had this realisation: I don't lose mindfulness because my thoughts appear. Rather, thoughts appear because I lose mindfulness. For me, the implication of this discovery in terms of simplifying and clarifying my practice is huge. There is just this one thing to do in meditation: awareness of the …

19.02.20. Funeral.

Monday. The funeral of my friend's father. I didn't know the gentleman. I attended because I knew his son. After the mass, I drove a few people from the church to the cemetery. When we were approaching the cemetery, an older Polish lady who was with us said: "We are born with nothing. We die …

10 Dec 19. Nembutsu.

I like getting up in the morning. Because of: my family, dog, books, music, gym, food, meditation, running, coffee, guitar and swimming. I hate getting up in the morning. Because of the anxious thoughts that torment me as soon as I open my eyes. Here is the drill. First, my mind displays a vision of …

4 Dec 19. God bless you Jordan.

In my dream people mocked me and laughed at me. And a sentence popped out in my head: There is much more to life than living. I don't know what it meant. I am a very agreeable person and easily taken advantage of. I simply can't say n..., n...., n..... You see!? On Friday, I …

24 Nov 19. Tempest.

I meditate. A focused mind = still mind = happy mind. This is the way the mind works. This is what the Buddha realised (re-discovered?). And luckily he cared to tell everyone else. And today, thousands of years ago, science is starting to catch up with his wisdom. But why would I want to turn …

19 Oct 19. Words.

The more I sit, the less I have to say about it. Words overwhelm me. Books, articles, blogs, podcasts, sutras, traditions, opinions and interpretations. And almost everything I have ever read, I have already forgotten anyway. Do we really have to go through all of this to be able to sit quietly on the bedroom …

11 Oct 19. Suffering as a pastime activity.

Only a few months ago I was complaining that I couldn't find the time to sit. But when I eventually resumed my practice, I was always able to find the time. The more I sit, the more time I seem to have. My sittings are getting longer because when I am meditating time loses its …

21 Sep 19. Lazarus of Bethany. Klingsor.

My practice is flourishing. This morning, I sat for an hour. So simple. Watch the breath. Short. Long. Deep. Shallow. You are not breathing. When you are breathing, you want to control the breath. It is not even that your body is breathing. Not even - the body is breathing. A body is breathing. When …