21 Sep 19. Lazarus of Bethany. Klingsor.

My practice is flourishing. This morning, I sat for an hour. So simple. Watch the breath. Short. Long. Deep. Shallow. You are not breathing. When you are breathing, you want to control the breath. It is not even that your body is breathing. Not even - the body is breathing. A body is breathing. When …

5 Sep 19. Not my friend.

Yesterday I meditated before leaving for work and after putting my kids to bed. Morning meditation was enjoyable. Evening sitting: one pointless anxious thought after another. This is my problem and the source of great suffering: anxious thoughts, worry about kids and work. So as I was meditating last night, my mind created one dreadful …

5 Jan. Free will. Freddy Mercury.

I watched Black Mirror: Bandersnatch. It got me thinking about free will. I came across this article that states: Many neuroscientists, armed with functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) and other brain scanning tools, argue that, now that we can peer into the brain, we can see that there is no "agent" there making choices. Is Buddhism …

10 Aug. Knowledge.

I meditated for 10 minutes last night. This morning, I wasted over an hour browsing the Internet like a complete idiot. I should have meditated. I am listening to a talk by Ajahn Sumedho. He said that apart from the ordinary knowledge acquired from books and teachers, there is a knowledge that comes to us …

9 Aug. Morality.

I meditated on most days during holidays. Quiet (but not silent) nembutsu recitation followed by mindfulness of breathing. My mind became very quiet. Sometimes a smile would appear on my face. During the day, I would think nembutsu a lot. I also tried to observe anicca, anatta and dukkha in every person, object and mental fabrication. Nembutsu …

29 Mar. Time.

I'm listening to a podcast about time. I don't know why but I feel that this subject is important for my practice. They say past is already gone and the present hasn't arrived yet. Aren't we then stuck between two states on non-existence? Doesn't it mean that the present also has no reality? I beg …

15 Mar. Carrot and stick.

Last night, I set up the timer for 30 minutes. This is how much time I can devote to my practice in the evenings. I did not set up any intermediate bells. I also had no intention to sit for 30 minutes. I'm done with using the duration of my sittings as a gauge of …

14 Mar. The Black Jewel.

I feel no obligation to meditate. The only gauge of my progress should be how much and how easily I can let go. Mediation can be so joyful. If I only learn how to just sit. Let the time slip through my fingers. Let everything waste away. Let opportunities pass me by. There is never anything …

22 Feb. Relief.

I managed to sit for 30 minutes last night. I started off with mantra: 'Om' (but it could have been any meaningless word or sound). Not repeating it mentally. Not trying to focus my attention. It was not a concentration practice. More along the lines of transcendental meditation technique. I thought the mantra clearly a few …

21 Feb. Mantra and mindfulness.

Last night - very sleepy. This morning - brilliant sitting. I'm very excited about using mantra immediately before mindfulness practice. Mantra does a great job centring and focusing the mind. When I let go of the mantra after 10 or 15 minutes my mind naturally becomes empty. Like a satellite falling towards earth and missing …