12 Aug. Waiting for my own funeral.

Last night, I sat for 20 minutes. Poor. Opposing a healthy need for sleep is not meditation. I should have gone to bed. Grumpy afterward. Felt like a person woken up in the middle of the night. Meditation used up that little energy I had left. Attachment to meditation is still an attachment. Makes you do …

10 Aug. Buddho, Buddho, Buddho.

Last night, a half an hour: 20 minutes of Buddho followed by 10 minutes of anapanasati. Observation: unpleasant thoughts dissolved quickly and unexpectedly in Buddho repetition. Just like that. As long as I maintained "bud" on the inhale and "ho" on the exhale. And when I say unpleasant, I mean: hurtful, sad, aggravating thoughts. This …

9 Aug. Buddho.

Last night - 30 minutes consisting of 20 minutes of silent Buddho mantra and 10 minutes of anapanasati. Very sleepy and tired. I thought I wouldn't make it. Minutes dragging like hours. What helped me was remembering that thoughts are not important because they have no reality. I also tried to be present, seeing only …

8 Aug. Dharma 0-1 Stupidity.

I missed meditation on Sunday. It was a long weekend in Ireland. I traded in meditation for a budget beer. There is no gentler way to say it. Not particularly proud of myself yesterday. But then I asked myself: Who is feeling guilty anyway? and: Why do I even think that feelings are that important? …

5 Aug. Forget about the jhanas.

Saturday morning. My kids slept in allowing me to sit for a full hour. I started off with a few minutes of buddhanussati (recollection of the Buddha). Just enough to remind myself where I was hoping to be going... Next 15 minutes: mantra practice. Much easier to focus on the mantra than on the breath or the body. Remaining 40 minutes - anapanasati (mindfulness of breathing). When distracted by thoughts, I simply acknowledged them. I remembered: …

4 Aug. Mindfulness of heedlessness.

Awaken at 4 am by worry. After 4 hours of sleep. I sat at the kitchen table tired and dizzy. A little bit embarrassed too. Not particularly excited by the prospect of spending next 8 hours in the air-conditioned nightmare, not ready at all for the challenges of the day. I read two poems by …

3 Aug. Meditating with wife.

I introduced my wife to meditation last night. I said: Sit straight, close your eyes, breathe through your nose, push your tongue against the top of your mouth gently. Relax with each out-breath. Breath naturally. I said: Notice your thoughts. Don't judge them. Come back to the object of meditation. I said: Don't expect anything to happen. Meditation …

2 Aug. Binaural beats.

Yesterday, I listened to binaural beats on Insight Timer. I have never tried that method before. I felt very relaxed. Quickly. More importantly - I felt much calmer during the rest of the day. Coincidence? When I was going through my previous blogs' entries I came across a quote from “The Tibetan Book of Living and …

1 Aug. Meditation cheat sheet.

So I have accidentally found a way to access my previous WordPress blogs I wrote through 2015 and 2016. The blogs that meant so much to me and which I deleted during those few horrendous moments of self-doubt. I'm beyond happy. Especially because I managed to recover all my poems and one short story inspired …

31 Jul. Long sitting. Short sitting.

Saturday morning. What a perfect morning for meditation. I was well rested. I had two coffees. My kids will be sleeping for another two hours. I set the timer to 1 hour and 30 minutes. One intermediate bell after 45 minutes. I sat in a chair. Started the timer. I straightened my back. Closed my …