13 May 23. Death.

OK. So the last two years. Amphetamines, coke, alcohol, nicotine, antidepressants. Not very Buddhist of me. I know. But it is what it is. As you can imagine, I haven't been meditating regularly. Try to sit and meditate after 36 hours of no sleep, during a come-down after two days of coke and speed binge. …

9 May 23.

Here we go again.

27 Oct 21. Never-ending practice.

Sitting with Soto Zen folks in Dublin again. 45 minutes of staring at the wall, followed by a few minutes of walking meditation, followed by another 15 minutes of sitting meditation. When I was preparing to leave, a lady asked me about my sitting. I said it didn't feel like an hour. - Time flies …

18 Oct 21.

On Monday, I got up before 6AM and drove to Dublin again to sit with Soto Zen folks, this time at 7.15 in the morning. The sun was raising slowly on the wall in front of me. We did a bit of walking meditation. I noticed people rushing about outside a large window of the …

17 Oct 21.

I went to Dublin to practice with Soto Zen folks. Sitting with my back straight, facing the wall. As the sun set, I watched my shadow on the wall in front of me slowly disappearing, evening becoming night, sunlight becoming candlelight.

14 Aug 21. Mindfulness.

I have always thought about sati (mindfulness) as a skill. Something we consciously apply to whatever arises in our experience. So I am reading this book called "Buddha's last sermon – in hell". In the book, the protagonist, a woman called M., talks about sati not as a skill, but as a reflex. It really stuck with me. How …

13 Jan 21. Sad head. Bright head.

This morning I woke up with a heart full of sorrow and a head full of sad, sad dreams. Dreams about the past. Longings. Things forever out of my reach. Forever missed. I remembered below poem composed by Matty Weingast based on one of the texts from Pali Canon ("The First Free Women: Poems of …

7 Nov 20. Sadness. Devotion. Nembutsu.

I have always been plagued by a feeling of sadness. Not so much now in my thirties as I was in my teens and twenties. Now, having a family and a job, I simply don't have time for it. And that's the point - when I look at my sadness, I realise how selfish it …

24 Oct 20. Falling.

Meditation is so very different now when, while maintaining focus on the breath in the body, I also hold in mind the teachings of the Buddha: 4 Noble Truths, 3 Marks of Existence, 5 Hindrances, 7 Factors of Awakening. No, not mentally repeating them, just knowing them by heart. When I sit, I simply remember …

9 Oct 20. Mindfulness.

Is mindfulness really paying non-judgemental attention to whatever is occurring in the present moment? Or is it keeping in mind the Dhamma and applying it to present experience which requires both judgement and concern about the future results? This morning whenever a painful thought arose, I remembered that it was impermanent, pleasure thought - ultimately …