This morning I woke up with a heart full of sorrow and a head full of sad, sad dreams. Dreams about the past. Longings. Things forever out of my reach. Forever missed. I remembered below poem composed by Matty Weingast based on one of the texts from Pali Canon ("The First Free Women: Poems of … Continue reading 13 Jan 21. Sad head. Bright head.
all those yearsmeditatingtalking and thinkingin the endyou only need to give upwhat is already slipping away
I meditate. A focused mind = still mind = happy mind. This is the way the mind works. This is what the Buddha realised (re-discovered?). And luckily he cared to tell everyone else. And today, thousands of years ago, science is starting to catch up with his wisdom. But why would I want to turn … Continue reading 24 Nov 19. Tempest.
No meditation for the past week or so. I was in a very dark place. Severe insomnia. No sleep after 3 or 2 or 1 AM. Sometimes after midnight. Each night. Horror. Very little control over my thoughts. A lot of suffering. Tons of stress in work, even more at home. And amidst all that … Continue reading 20 Oct. Up up and out of the hole.
Meditation truly is like digging a hole in the wet sand: it is not important how hard have you dug so far, as soon as you stop digging, stop putting effort into deepening the hole, the sand will collapse and cover it. Even though since my last post I spent an average 8 hours every … Continue reading 19 Feb. It feels great to be back.
My Monday evening sitting was a very special one. Worry and negativity took the best of me and I finished my meditation in a state of anger, frustration and agitation. I'm pretty sure this is not how meditation should work. But I'm no expert... My mindfulness was weak. So there was only me and my negative self-talk. … Continue reading 18 Jan. Sorry, Buddha.
In the morning - 40 minutes. Two damn good coffees were not enough to wake me up fully. Nonsensical thoughts. 20 minutes of Buddho, followed by 20 minutes of anapanasati and body awareness. My mindfulness of lack of mindfulness was spectacular. Years of practice finally paying off, I guess? An idea: the main purpose of … Continue reading 13 Sep. Damn continuity.
Last night, 20 minutes. Before closing my eyes I remembered my goals: developing concentration, observing the three marks of existence. And also what the Buddho meant to me: knowing about the emptiness and stillness underlying every thought. And I gave myself a pat on the back for keeping my practice going... And the meditation turned out … Continue reading 18 Aug. The house is not quiet.