24 Oct 20. Falling.

Meditation is so very different now when, while maintaining focus on the breath in the body, I also hold in mind the teachings of the Buddha: 4 Noble Truths, 3 Marks of Existence, 5 Hindrances, 7 Factors of Awakening. No, not mentally repeating them, just knowing them by heart. When I sit, I simply remember …

9 Oct 20. Mindfulness.

Is mindfulness really paying non-judgemental attention to whatever is occurring in the present moment? Or is it keeping in mind the Dhamma and applying it to present experience which requires both judgement and concern about the future results? This morning whenever a painful thought arose, I remembered that it was impermanent, pleasure thought - ultimately …

27 Apr. Dukkha.

Mildly anxious thoughts about work before falling asleep last night. And then a realisation - my anxiety is really caused by inability to fulfil the desire for things/states I wrongly assume will bring me permanent happiness (like my boss treating me fairly, me paying off debts and so on). That night, I had a dream …

9 Apr 20. It only hurts when you think about it.

I have received yet another solid dose of injustice in my workplace a few days ago. I saw it coming and I was dreading those sleepless nights, bad mood, frustration and anger I have experienced so many times before. And yet, it is very different this time. What I feel the most in the nasty …

5 Apr 20. Distractions.

Here is my morning routine. I get up. I think about my job. My heart is racing. I feel angry and tired. I have a cup of coffee. I don't expect to wake up happy anymore. And it breaks my heart. This morning however a realisation overwhelmed me: those hurtful thoughts are not the norm, …

18 Mar 20. Hate.

I woke up before 6 AM. I had a coffee number 1 and a coffee number 2. I read Satipatthana Sutta. I think I now understand why the Theravada sutras are written in this peculiar way: full of repetitions. I have noticed that it is only irritating when you are reading the text for the …

14 Mar 20. Breathing.

I meditate as much as I can. When my mind is particularly unsettled, I count out-breaths. Then I proceed to anapanasati (mindfulness of breathing). I try to practice it exactly how the Satipatthana Sutta instructs me: I breathe mindfully experiencing the whole body. Such a simple practice. I enjoy it so much. I wake up …

3 Mar 20. Thoughts.

A few days ago, while meditating, I had this realisation: I don't lose mindfulness because my thoughts appear. Rather, thoughts appear because I lose mindfulness. For me, the implication of this discovery in terms of simplifying and clarifying my practice is huge. There is just this one thing to do in meditation: awareness of the …

10 Dec 19. Nembutsu.

I like getting up in the morning. Because of: my family, dog, books, music, gym, food, meditation, running, coffee, guitar and swimming. I hate getting up in the morning. Because of the anxious thoughts that torment me as soon as I open my eyes. Here is the drill. First, my mind displays a vision of …

4 Dec 19. God bless you Jordan.

In my dream people mocked me and laughed at me. And a sentence popped out in my head: There is much more to life than living. I don't know what it meant. I am a very agreeable person and easily taken advantage of. I simply can't say n..., n...., n..... You see!? On Friday, I …