4 Jan. Pain. Suffering. Nembutsu.

I have realised that subconsciously I had been expecting that my Buddhist practice would eradicate all the pain from my life. Did Thich Quang Duc suffered? Or did he just experience pain? I have finished listening to an audio-book "Can't hurt me" by David Goggins. A great book about pain. In one of his talks, …

26 Dec. Controlling.

So I was sitting in a meeting in work staring through the window, completely ignoring a large display on the wall as well as the whole discussion going on in the room. 2018. 36 years old. I thought about my last day in primary school. When I left the building with the cert in my …

7 Dec. As-it-is.

I got up at 3 AM like a complete fool again. I sat down to meditate at 4. I started off with 500 Nembutsu recitations, followed by 50 minutes of shikantaza. It was hard. It was easy. Suffering is caused by ego. More ego = more suffering. More humility = less suffering. This is what …

19 Nov. Searchlight.

So we have moved into our new house recently. When I was closing the doors behind me for the last time, I thought about the anguish, drama, worry, stress and sleepless nights I had experienced in the house I was leaving behind. And for what reason? The reasons faded away. The emotions evaporated. The meaning …

8 Nov. The Red Buddha. Kohelet.

The last couple of weeks. The busiest and taxing time of my life. Nembutsu helped me to go through it. There are many Dharma doors appropriate for who and where you are in that particular time. I don't feel like rationalizing my Pure Land practice anymore. It is what it is. It is wonderful. In …

21 Sep. Thoughts.

I woke up pretty late this morning. Good. For the first few seconds, my mind was like a blank canvas. And then all those thoughts started to appear: I need coffee - and I became a person who needs coffee. I need nicotine - and I became a person who needs a smoke (vape... actually). …

20 Sep. Chuckle.

I woke up at 4 AM. It took me an hour to fully wake up. I sat down to mediate at 5. I spent an hour on the cushion. I was tired. I was sleepy. I was cold. I sat there being present in my body, observing my breath and thoughts. My thoughts... What an …

19 Sep. The Observer. Desire. Drowsiness.

After the sitting last night, I realised that I didn’t experience any drowsiness at all. As a matter of fact, I haven’t experienced any for quite some time. How did it happen? This is something I had been struggling with for years. I also struggled with pain in lower back. Both issues – gone. It …

17 Sep. A holly tree.

Meditation - very good. Very pleasant. I want to sit. I sit for a bit longer these days. But I could sit for much longer even. I just follow my breath. My meditation doesn't last for 20 or 30 or 40 minutes. My meditation lasts for 20 or 30 or 40 seconds. Then a thought …

13 Sep. Desire.

Inspired by this blog post here I thought about desire. That I have never really considered it to be a form of suffering. Not getting what I want - yes, that's suffering! But desire - no. The more I think about it the more I understand that desire is like physical pain, like loneliness, like …