Every day for a few minutes I read from the Anapanasati Sutta. Very carefully. With pleasure. I have memorised the first two tetrads: about the breath and feelings becoming quiet. When I don't feel like meditating, I tell myself: Today I will not meditate. I will just sit down for a few minutes and count … Continue reading 2 Apr 20. Today I will not meditate.
In my dream, I was reading an article written by an elderly Soto Zen nun describing enlightenment of her master. She was able to capture in words the actual process of transformation. As I was reading it, the awareness of my own faults and failures grew. At the end of the text, when the master … Continue reading 21 Mar 20. A dream.
I like getting up in the morning. Because of: my family, dog, books, music, gym, food, meditation, running, coffee, guitar and swimming. I hate getting up in the morning. Because of the anxious thoughts that torment me as soon as I open my eyes. Here is the drill. First, my mind displays a vision of … Continue reading 10 Dec 19. Nembutsu.
A thought struck me: my quest to learn as much about Dharma as possible is not really practising. I am merely reading about the practice, collecting arguments, deep sayings and cute passages. Researching. Another observation came to me: When Buddha was teaching Dharma, he didn't teach every single argument to each and every person he … Continue reading 5 Jul 19. Everything is Dharma.
I have memorised the whole Faith in Mind. It took me almost a month. Now I will forget it. My son asked me if he could meditate with me the other night. My five-year-old daughter wanted to join. We sat on the bed. I told them to close their eyes, relax and feel the air coming … Continue reading 27 Apr. Metta.
Last night, I dreamed about rocks falling from the sky. During the night a storm would lift them up and shoot them into the sky. They left trails of red sparks behind them. During the day, they fell down. Yesterday, I meditated with Zen Soto folks. The teacher gave a talk about Zen ancestors. Towards … Continue reading 5 Feb. My great-grandmother.
I uninstalled the Insight Timer application. So yesterday morning, I used the standard timer on my phone, mistakenly set it up to 20 hours and realised something was wrong only when I heard my neighbors leaving for work. The last social media / entertainment application that remains on my phone is YouTube. But this one … Continue reading 19 Jan. Stress.
I manage to sit every day. I am delighted. Not because I am getting anywhere but because I am doing what is right, what feels natural. It is not always pleasant. Sometimes it is hard. But it always feels right. Here I am sitting on the floor in my living room. Here is my body. … Continue reading 15 Jan. Doing what’s right.
I'm listening to a podcast about time. I don't know why but I feel that this subject is important for my practice. They say past is already gone and the present hasn't arrived yet. Aren't we then stuck between two states on non-existence? Doesn't it mean that the present also has no reality? I beg … Continue reading 29 Mar. Time.
Last night, I set up the timer for 20 minutes. I gave up after five. I gave up. I wasn't tired. I wasn't cold. I had the time to sit. I just didn't see the point. Last few days: worry and stress. Welcome sleepless nights. Sleeping two hours in the night is no joke. Seven … Continue reading 28 Feb. Good at being still.