29 May. I know… but I won’t tell ya!

When I meditated on Saturday morning, I saw my negative thoughts flowing within me silently like a thick black river. On the following night, I had a dream. I dug a whole outside my family house in Poland where I grew up. I accidentally dug into a dark concrete tunnel. It stretched forever in both …

24 May. Nothing dies.

I haven't been here in a while and I know what you've been asking yourself. Yes, I still binge listening to Billie Eilish. By the way, here is an update on how my practice is going in the style of the monologue of the lustful wife of that boring advertising agent. So many wonderful sutras …

18 Apr.

I have memorised almost the whole “Faith in Mind” already. I learn and recite more or less all the time. My wife got used to it. I recite even when I walk my dog. My dog got used to it. Weather in Ireland is horrible. There I am walking among spasmodic tree branches and trembling …

8 Apr. “Faith in Mind”.

I memorised 4 Foundation of Mindfulness, 5 Hindrances, 7 Factors of Awakening, 5 Skandhas, 6 Sense Bases, 4 Noble Truths, Noble Eightfold Path, 12 links of Dependent Origination, the first 34 verses of Faith in Mind by Sengcan (will I be able to memorise the whole poem?). When I walk my dog, I repeat what …

1 Apr. Karma.

Karma and re-birth have been giving me hard times. Always. Why are some of the Buddha’s teachings so easily verifiable and down to earth while others require faith? It was only recently when I decided to finally accept karma and re-birth. For all the wrong reasons. My logic was – if I am able to …

25 Feb.

Stress began creeping on me again. I hadn't been putting enough time and effort into cultivating the silence.  Meditation practice truly is like digging a hole in wet sand. There is nothing permanent in this world. Even though my house was full of noise and commotion I just had to find the time to reconnect. …

15 Feb. Stillness.

For the past few days, I have been walking around aware of stillness and silence underneath my thoughts. Very often when an unskillful thought arose a question would also appear: Who is thinking the thought? Everything seems to dissolve in that silence. I try to cultivate it as much as I can. I can't quite …

12 Feb.

I am hopeful that the horrible work-related stress is over. I talked to a person yesterday who has been experiencing exactly the same amount of stress, fear, sleeplessness and anger because they were not able to find a job while for me the source of suffering was the exact opposite - my job. Oh, the …

5 Feb. My great-grandmother.

Last night, I dreamed about rocks falling from the sky. During the night a storm would lift them up and shoot them into the sky. They left trails of red sparks behind them. During the day, they fell down. Yesterday, I meditated with Zen Soto folks. The teacher gave a talk about Zen ancestors. Towards …

3 Feb. And now I will meditate.

When I sit and observe my mind, I realise that almost all my thoughts are driven by greed, aversion and delusion. This is extremely weird as my behaviour in daily life is different: there are very little hatred and greed. The only thing I am not very proud of is my tendency to complain and …