15 Aug. Short sitting. Long Sitting.

Last few days: 20-30 minutes, once or twice per day. Buddho mantra followed by anapanasati. Am I not jumping ahead with the mindfulness of breath? Shouldn’t I simplify my meditation even more? How can I do anapanasati properly without being able to focus on the mantra fully for even 5 minutes?

I’ve decided to only do Buddho until I manage to achieve a decent level of concentration for a longer period of time. Only then I will try to do the same with just the breath.

I also thought about duration of my sittings. If I sit for 20 minutes, first 5 are usually very poor, at around 10 minute mark my mind settles a little bit, which leaves me with less than 10 minutes of proper meditation. Is 10 minutes really enough? Is 10 minutes per day enough to learn to draw or play a guitar? No. I must find a way to fit longer sittings into my schedule. I must.

I didn’t write yesterday. I was too busy being in hell. I wouldn’t have allowed my mind to descent there if I was even a little bit skilful. Something you would expect from a person practicing meditation for years already. It occurred to me this morning, when I was reflecting on my behaviour while sipping my damn good coffee, that I’m not particularly the brightest of sparks…

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