Not sure what happened, but my night sittings seem to be better than the morning ones recently. When I’m sleepy I open my eyes. I start meditation with metta towards people who pissed me off, hurt me, I feel threatened by or heard about in the news. I do it wholeheartedly. Isn’t all evil generated either by misery, ignorance or sickness? It’s a great feeling to let go of a grudge. And easy to do.
Then I proceed to Buddho mantra with a clear goal in my head: develop concentration. I’m not so much concerned about achieving insight. I want to teach my mind to focus, to become fully absorbed. I’ve been meditating for a good few years already, but I feel I haven’t achieved much… I didn’t manage to develop solid foundations yet. My mind is scattered and undisciplined. How will I ever progress with a mind like that?
Yesterday I took my family to the Wicklow Mountains. I don’t know why, but I love trees and forests very much. I get excited when surrounded by plant life. Especially trees. It’s hard to explain, but their stillness seems to be wiser and more natural than human intellect and its creations.