20 Oct. Up up and out of the hole.

No meditation for the past week or so. I was in a very dark place. Severe insomnia. No sleep after 3 or 2 or 1 AM. Sometimes after midnight. Each night. Horror. Very little control over my thoughts. A lot of suffering. Tons of stress in work, even more at home. And amidst all that I somehow managed to give up smoking. I am over two weeks nicotine free.

During that time Amitabha and Nembutsu would appear in my mind without any reason at all bringing me a temporary relief. So I naturally started to recite nembutsu again. I came across this quote – in a book Pure Land Buddhism. Dialogs with Ancient Masters. – which seems to explain this:

The Buddha taught 84,000 Dharma Doors. Each of them is a medicine for a given sickness at a given time, and each, as a first signpost of success, provides the practicioner with a sense of well-being and joy.

Another one from the same book:

A person asleep and dreaming finds the scenes in his dreams very real; these scenes exist for him. Likewise, the Pure Land, saints, sinners, everything “exists” at the mundane level, albeit in an illusory, dream-like way. At the absolute level, however, everything, incluidng the Pure Land and Amitabha Buddha, is Mind-Only, a product of our Mind.

A thought struck me this morning. Up to this point, I have seen faith in a bad light, I considered it as a readiness to accept truths that are not supported by facts. Delusion.

But isn’t faith simply a result of being suspicious that the reality we are living in is not the absolute and ultimate reality? And is that really such a bad thing?

6 thoughts on “20 Oct. Up up and out of the hole.

  1. Suffering and modern life gets unbearable at times. I appreciate your honesty and insights. My thoughts and blessings are with you my friend. Metta, Scott 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much my friend. Apologies for such a delayed response, but my life has been absolutely crazy recently, but even though I have been disconnected from this wonderful source of inspiration and knowledge that is WordPress I have been very much immersed in my practice. I am looking forward to catching up on the great blogs I follow here. All the best to you Sir!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry you’ve had a tricky time Adrian, sounds like you’ve achieved a wonderful thing by stopping smoking – you can’t have everything running at the same time, maybe you’re mind needed the space to focus on that specific challenge?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Alex, apologies for the late response, and thank you for the word of advice. Absolutely true. Here I am almost three weeks later still nicotine free. I am over the moon about not being engaged in this horrible, horrible addiction anymore. All the best to you Sir!

      Liked by 1 person

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