24 May. Nothing dies.

I haven’t been here in a while and I know what you’ve been asking yourself. Yes, I still binge listening to Billie Eilish. By the way, here is an update on how my practice is going in the style of the monologue of the lustful wife of that boring advertising agent.

So many wonderful sutras I have discovered the one on fear and anxiety surely speaks about concrete jungle sadly none of them explains how the hell rebirth works if aggregates are impermanent and not-self apparently nothing dies yesterday when I was walking my dog I listened to Magga-vibhanga Sutta it almost brought tears to my eyes I write down the most important teachings I map the path memorise it I want to squeeze as much of it into a single page as possible and carry it with me everywhere like my own heart and Bahiya Sutta I listened to while waiting in a car for my son filled me with joy the other day I saw a fly on the window and felt so much pity I couldn’t kill it I just caught it and let it out I try to follow the eightfold path but practising right speech would kill most of my conversations and my god I am awkward enough life is so full of things but I do meditate whenever I can and when I do I simply let the thoughts die and then stare into the empty space they leave behind I even thought for a moment that I had achieved some sort of deeper understanding so I tried to listen to Rupert Spira on youtube but gave up after 15 seconds filled with heavy breathing and almost no words uttered so no not really I realised that I used to have interests but for some time I only think and read about dhamma and it fulfils me makes me happy so yes I though to myself I am ok with this yes.

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